just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
