i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
