Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
