i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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