i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
