I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
