Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
