if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
