And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
