You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
