last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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