Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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