I think im going to throw up on grandma
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Randomize
