you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
