Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
