he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
