You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
