Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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