I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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