i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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