he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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