And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
