ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
