id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
