I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
