tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
the gays at disneyland are vicious
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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