OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Sober January is a disaster.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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