You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
