he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
