You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
