i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
