quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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