He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
