Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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