I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
