This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
last night I used snow as a chaser
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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