every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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