I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
