My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
