Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
