I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm sobbing to NWA
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
