but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
