i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
