sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
