so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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