i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Randomize
