My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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