i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
