Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
