I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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