I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
