Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
