so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
