We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
