We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
