i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
