Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I didn't notice because vodka
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
