Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
