Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
