I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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