This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
